isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like “I don’t know how to hold a pencil”
there’s a ten year old boy in my high school honors math class who speaks six different languages.you shitheads think im fucking with you look at this little genius.like what even look at him discussing with our teacher and shit she has more respect for that child than me im so jealous of his like everything. are you smarter than a fifth grader? no I’m fucking not.
why couldn’t i be born with an older brother who is my best friend and has hot friends that flirt with me and drives me places like mcdonalds when im sad and punches rude boys in the face for me.
My brother once sat on me and farted until I passed out
my brother duct taped me to a treadmill and turned it to the highest setting once
when I was four my brother locked me in a ferret cage for an hour on Christmas Eve
if you dont eat the pizza crust you are weak and natural selection is coming for you
how your mom looks at you during parent teacher conferences
And the winner is… NOT TAYLOR
Hypothesis: if women are worse at parking, it’s only because they’ve been lied to about what eight inches is their entire lives
running scared, i was there
i remember it all too well